The Freedom of Letting Go with Alex Bedner

Alex Bedner spent his life becoming a professional musician. He grew up in his father's garage music studio, fell in love with the trombone at San Francisco's School of the Arts, trained at the SF Conservatory of Music and Indiana University, and built a working life across Northern California's "Freeway Philharmonic" — one orchestra, one weekend, one city at a time.

Then, at 28, deep in preparation for an audition he badly wanted, he woke up one morning able to play only three notes.

In this episode of Del be Del, I sit down with Alex for an honest, heartfelt conversation about what happens when the identity you've spent your life building disappears overnight — and about everything that path's closing opened up.

The condition was focal dystonia, a neurological dysfunction so elusive even MRIs can't detect it. Alex spent six years trying to rebuild his playing — leaving concerts in tears while colleagues told him he sounded fine — before a doctor finally confirmed the diagnosis. His reaction surprised even him: "I just felt free."

Alex is still a professional musician — he'll tell you so himself, and it matters. He simply chose a different path, in tech. But this conversation goes far beyond the career change.

We talk about worth — realizing "my worth is defined by how well I play this instrument," and slowly discovering you are more than a function. We talk about the breakup that led Alex to breathwork (and to our friendship), the men's group we built around holding each other instead of giving advice, and the childhood wounding around belonging that made him one of the most intentional community builders I know — including the Thanksgiving dinner that accidentally became a Jeffersonian dinner (see The Art of Gathering).

We go deep on Phoenix Rising, the leadership program that changed both of our lives — how it helped Alex reconcile with his mother after more than a decade of estrangement, and start keeping the promises he'd made to himself, including one about a long-deferred dream car.

And we end where Alex's wisdom lands hardest: losing music was both tragedy and gift. As he puts it — "it's not this or that, it's this and that."

Del be Del means "heart to heart" in Persian. This podcast is about honest, heartfelt conversations — the stories we live but rarely tell, and the conversations we don't have often enough.

If something in this conversation stayed with you, leave a comment and tell me what resonated, who you'd like to hear from, or what you would have asked from this room. Subscribe on YouTube or follow Del be Del on Spotify and Apple Podcasts — it's the best way to make sure the next conversation finds you.

Until next time — take care of your heart, and the hearts around you.

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